LeadForward Vol.1 No. 1

Culture

A board member “checks in” with staff to avoid confronting the executive director. A leader leans on one team member to buffer against another. What I came to realize is that triangling thrives in low-trust, high-anxiety environments—and that as a leader, I was often the third leg of the triangle without realizing it. Bowen taught me to identify these patterns without blame and to gently uncouple the triangle by promoting direct communication.

By encouraging people to go to the source of their concern and by refusing to mediate unnecessarily, I watched anxiety settle and accountability rise. And when I trained leaders to recognize and resolve triangles in real-time, they became less reactive and more grounded. The leadership payoff? A culture of clarity. Teams that talk to each other instead of about each other. And a lot less drama.

Autonomy and Togetherness: The Hidden Code in Organizational Culture Bowen wrote about the balance between individuality and togetherness as a central tension in all systems. But it wasn’t until I started working with multicultural teams that I saw just how culturally coded that balance is. In some teams, loyalty and harmony were valued above directness. In others, speaking one’s mind was seen as a virtue. Bowen helped me step back and ask: What does differentiation of self look like in this culture? Not mine. Theirs. The biggest mistake I see leaders make is assuming that assertiveness equals maturity, or that group-oriented behavior equals immaturity. That’s not systems thinking—it’s cultural bias. Differentiation isn’t about being separate from the group. It’s about being clear in yourself while staying connected to the group.

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